Dear Captain Wormwood... III
A mentoring programme.
Dear Captain Wormwood,
I trust you are well and that the burdens of your current assignment are sufficiently vexing. I must commend you on your recent efforts to sow doubt and discord among the junior ranks. However, being an Officer, that for you is of course low hanging fruit. I am writing to address a far more delicate and, I dare say, delightful challenge: the Officers' Mess.
Your patients may think the Officers' Mess a sanctuary of camaraderie and shared purpose. Indeed, it is often perceived as a place where officers can relax, exchange ideas, and reinforce their bonds. But, my dear Captain, within these walls are the most fertile ground for our most insidious work.
First and foremost, focus on fostering a culture of exclusivity. Encourage all Officers to view the Mess as a club of the superior - those outside it are lesser. Some will have the idea that the other ranks of the Regiment are not beneath the Officers, but are instead simply different. They may even, it pains me to say, spread an idea of the soldiers being above the Officers. They will talk about a paternalistic duty and a reverence for the loyalty of the men, expressing a desire to be worthy of it. Such nonsense touted by the Enemy is best dealt with by focusing in on some thin arguments about meritocracy. Afterall, if the blokes are so good, they themselves would be in the Mess rather than us.
A word on tradition and decorum - one of the strongest tools the Enemy has. Encourage your fellow Captains to view these norms as relics of a bygone era, impediments to progress and innovation. Your mantra will be “It’s insert-current-year!” Paint the adherents of tradition as out-of-touch and resistant to change. This cynicism is easily spread and will catch quickly, particularly among your ‘brother Captains’. It will look like a divide is forming between ‘the modern’ and ‘the old-fashioned’, or between ages, but of course what you are really doing is laying some double-concertina wire and an anti-tank ditch across an unbroken line of inheritance.
Now we all know that obstacles must be covered by fire, and that is to be your solution where you find tradition too strong. It will regularly form a bulwark against your efforts, and where ever that is the case, you must change course. Lean into it instead. Embrace tradition and weaponise it.
Our enemy says that a gentlemen is someone who never unintentionally makes anyone uncomfortable. And you will be doing just that. There can be a little discomfort with some tradition - long speeches and stiff collars - but your victims will be made from admonishing missteps, or drawing attention to an awkwardness. Besides building some power against well-intentioned and uninitiated guests, you will be fanning the flames of a raucous and mean spirit among your ‘team mates’.
Next, target the relationships between the Officers. The Enemy values genuine fellowship, so our task is to corrupt these bonds. Utilize gossip and envy as your primary tools. Encourage whispers and backhanded compliments. A well-timed insinuation about a fellow Officer's loyalty or competence can plant seeds of doubt that will grow into full-blown mistrust. Make sure that promotions and accolades are seen not as recognitions of merit but as the result of favoritism and political maneuvering.
Do not neglect the importance of cliques and factions. Encourage the formation of small, insular groups within the Mess, each convinced of their own superiority and suspicious of others. An easy path to some wholesome internal strife is to get involved in the Mess committee. You will find the work quite natural and need no prompting there, but do remember to keep referring to the rules of the Mess, referring to it both as a sacred doctrine and a flimsy guide.
Alcohol, my dear Wormwood, is another ally. Ensure that the Officers' Mess is well-stocked and that drinking to excess is a reliable path to status. Alcohol will loosen tongues and lower inhibitions, leading to some maturation of the informal mechanisms of the Regiment, so you will need an abiding patience to have effect here. Wait until the party is at it’s peak and then converse widely in whispers, and give those garish displays of bravado a gentle push. The indiscretions and conflicts will have been planted, ready for exploitation the next day.
Lastly, never underestimate the power of routine. The monotony of life within the Mess can be turned to our benefit: encourage a culture of complaint and discontent. Make the officers feel that their talents are wasted and that their superiors are incompetent. This sense of frustration will naturally be channeled into cynicism and apathy, eroding their commitment to duty and to each other.
In all these efforts, remember that subtlety is key. The best corruption is that which goes unnoticed until it is too late. Operate in the shadows, planting the seeds of division and discord with a light touch, just as Our Father Below has taught us. The Officers' Mess, properly managed, can become a hotbed of resentment, rivalry, and ruin.
Yours in calculated malice,
General Screwtape
cs lewis smiles knowingly
This is some A1 anthropology.